You're completely useless in the revolution.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
