i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
