My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Less talking, more tequila
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
