There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
