I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
