he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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