She's JV to your varsity
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
