...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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