I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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