I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
