i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
