You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize