I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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