Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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