I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
