Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
