Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
