There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
