hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
