what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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