he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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