Ambien. No doubt about it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
