I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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