operation harelip BJ is a go
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
