Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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