I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
