Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
