either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
