we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
