I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
