Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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