he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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