do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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