I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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