the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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