You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
