I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
