Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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