It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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