The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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