a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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