I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
