Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
