Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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