you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
