He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
