the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
