i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
