Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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