i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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