I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
