i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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