My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
