I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
