There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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