So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
