Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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