all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
