no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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