Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Drunk is not a location!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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