the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
