in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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