It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
