there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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