i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
