I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
