omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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