Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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