She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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