I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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