2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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