Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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