i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
