i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
