I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
