jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This is my gift to your gina
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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