Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
